The story behind k.tolnoe

My background

Hi, I'm Kamilla. If you are new here, welcome! And if you are not, I want to thank you for being here, for supporting me and for continuously reading and sharing my words. 

I was born in October 1998 in a small town 20 minutes outside of Copenhagen, Denmark. I grew up with my parents and one brother in quite idyllic surroundings with lots of wild nature that continue to affect and inspire my work up until today.

As you may already have figured out, I am a Libra and a highly sensitive person. I was a quiet child, a dreamer from the beginning, and while the other children in my family required company to be entertained, I would be by myself with my dolls or pen and paper.

I always loved books and as soon as I learned how to, I started writing. Initially I would write in Danish, both novel drafts and short stories. I guess at a time when making friends was difficult for me, the words offered some sort of home. I am more outgoing and confident now, but still introverted by nature and books continue to be a vital part of my life. 

The early days

The story of k.tolnoe begins on a spring day in May, 2017. Due to an unfortunate series of event at the time, I was in a period of my life characterized by feelings of anger, of sadness and of loneliness. I needed an outlet and a space for all that I was going through and writing has always been my solace. 

That day, I started an Instagram account and started posting what was on my mind. Initially I was also sharing quotes from other authors, but I had so much on my mind that I quickly turned to my own words and signed them "k.tolnoe".

For the first many months of having my account, I kept it a secret from friends and family. Not because I was ashamed, but because it was my safe space. I kept it anonymous for a long time, sharing only my quotes and photos I found online. This is the earliest screenshot I have of the account.

The account became a space for all that I was feeling. When I read my poems from that time now, it is striking how dark, depressed and toxic they are. Pieces such as "why did you take / what you did not need / me" and "i'm a writer / and you're a fucking cliché" gives an impression of where I was at at that time.

However, I was able to form a writing community with a bunch of international poets and writers. Sadly, most of them are not on Instagram anymore and I have lost contact with the majority. I still think about these days with fondness. Everything was a bit simpler then.

I graduated high school and continued with a gap year (a common thing in Denmark), where I worked full time as a danish copywriter and traveled full time for 2,5 months, all while writing and posting continuously. 

The fall

Sometime during the spring of 2019, I went to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with a mild depression.

I had made a few unsuitable choices in my life by listening to what others what wanted for me instead of what my inner voice told me. I found myself living and working alone from home in a place where I did not feel comfortable. And changing the choices that had brought me there was connected to a lot of shame, sadness and guilt towards close friends and family.

However, this became the solution. And while poetry helped me through the process, my Instagram account also aided my healing in more tangible ways. 

I went on my two first solo trips: First to meet a fellow poet in Vienna and second to host a writing retreat in Bali. The writing retreat never happened, but while traveling I found myself again. I was fortunate enough to meet some incredible people that are still a huge part of my life up until this day.

At the end of 2019, I felt supported and inspired. And so, I decided to publish not one, but four books in the following year.

2020 - the year of changes

And what a year I chose. On the 1st of January I published my first poetry collection, the moon. While putting together the second of the four books, the orchid I was traveling in Thailand and Bali. 

But as we all know, covid hit in March and put an abrupt ending to my adventure. I had to rush home and stayed at my parents house during lockdown, publishing both the orchid and the ocean.

During this time, I realized how much my art is inspired by and dependent on other people. It was hard for me to stay creative while staying at home, since there were no input to transform. It was also a lesson though, as I guess it was for most of us. A reminder that nothing is given; a lesson to never take anything for granted.

In summer 2020, I started studying at Copenhagen Business School and finished The Northern Collection by publishing the wolf. After just six months in university, I realized it was much too much work and it was strangling my creative work; therefore, I decided to only study part-time, extending my Bachelor's degree in Cultural analysis and Market dynamics from 3 to 4 years.

The present - and the future

I self-published my four books through Amazon KDP and Ingram Spark with their print-on-demand solutions. While this was a great solution initially, it did not offer me any insight into who are buying my books and reading my works. And this is why you are reading this now on my own website and webshop, ktolnoe.com. 

My hopes are that this will be a place for us to come together and connect even deeper. And that it will be a platform for me to expand my art, with more books and probably other art articles in the future.

My ultimate dream is to live off my writing and drawing while traveling the world. Who knows - maybe I will come by where you live and we will be able to share a cup of coffee. 

I look forward to connecting with you. And please know that you can always reach out to me - on my social media platforms or on my e-mail hello@ktolnoe.com. 

Lots of love,

xx Kamilla